TOXIC!!! Keep Your Vomit Off My Shoes!!!

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!

Have you ever come into contact with someone so negative that you literally feel yourself taking a step back so as to not come in contact with their negative force field?

It could be a chance conversation while in line at a slow-moving state agency (bureaucratic bungling sets these people off for sure), or being in front of a lead-foot on the highway who is intent on driving 90  miles an hour, or simply walking into a loaded domestic situation ripe to explode.  These people carry a boatload of unvented rage, and they are able to boil over at the slightest infraction. They are volatile, unstable and potentially dangerous.

It strikes me that what seems to set certain people off into a paroxysm of rage is their own discomfort with speaking up about their own truth, and rather than have the ability to express what is important to them calmly and rationally, with the expectation of being heard, they project all kinds of things out on to their audience.  Where does this come from?  What early conditioning did these folks receive in their formative years that made them so supremely uncomfortable just presenting their position on a topic without descending into blame, finger pointing, or worse, various forms of violence.  What kind of shaming, or labeling or punishment did they receive that shaped them this way? Can they escape from this often self-inflicted prison?

I have had time to reflect on this type of person for some time now because my neighbor is like this.  We have lived next to each other for 5 years, and I truly do not know what it is about me or my family that continually sets her off. It is as if she looks for problems, and if they don’t exist, she works hard to create them simply to underscore her vision of (un)reality. Today I was having some trees trimmed in between our properties, and she began ranting that the tree trimmer was trespassing on her property (he wasn’t). Rather than engage with her, as I do believe she is mentally unstable, I calmly asked the trimmer to descend and leave the job undone. Why? Because I am not interested in a power struggle with this woman. I have tried on countless occasions to reason with her, to placate her, to be a courteous and conscientious neighbor, even to put myself in her shoes and try to imagine what kind of pain she is in, all to no avail.  She can not, will not choose to meet me even a part of the way. So, I have decided that it is simply easier to step aside and let her and her toxic energy sail past. My conscience is clear; I know that I always try to conduct myself in accordance with the Golden Rule – Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You – and I am committed to being a force of good in this world. At this point I have decided that it makes more sense for me to sell my house and move on, as I don’t choose to live around this toxicity any longer. As my neighbor stood there this morning shrieking at me I calmly informed her that I was putting my house on the market as I had had enough of her negativity, and that I wished her and her family well.  I also let her know that the conversation was over, and invited her to turn around and return to her house. I made it clear I would not play ball.

I share all of this today because I think it relates to how we decide to show up in our lives and in our relationships, and which battles we choose to fight and which we choose to walk calmly away  from in our commitment to be true to ourselves and our principles. This can find expression in the career path we choose, the partner we choose, how we decide (or decide not) to parent, the kind of friend we want to be. It certainly finds expression in the way we choose to express ourselves professionally, and with whom we associate. Do we operate with integrity, with honor, with respect of our fellow human beings and ourselves, or are we compromising ourselves in pursuit of the almighty dollar?

I know that when I lay my head down on the pillow at night and reflect on the day, I often feel proud that I have gone out of my way to touch someone else’s life in some positive way, even if it is a simple gesture like bringing flowers from my garden to brighten a kitchen table. We are here for such a brief time on Schoolhouse Earth.  How critical it is to challenge ourselves to find the right  path AND choose fellow travelers who enhance our journey and encourage us to expand fully into our capabilities, even if what they provide is the contrast we need to clarify who we truly are.

New Day, New Way - Put On Your Walking (Running?) Shoes!

Tagged as: Audience, Boatload, Chance Conversation, Expectation, Forcefield, Formative Years, Forms Of Violence, Infraction, Lead Foot, Neighbor, Paroxysm, People, Rage, Shoes, Tree Trimmer, Trees, Truth, Vomit